He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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