She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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