I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
