No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
