do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
