I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
