I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
