lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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