It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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