i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
