There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
