and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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