I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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