genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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