it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
