Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
