Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
