I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
