I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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