I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
