I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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