I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
