took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
