sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You need Xanax blowdarts
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
