Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
