im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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