Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
