You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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