dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
