I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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