Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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