24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
