Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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