I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
