Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
