this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
