I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
