All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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