So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
