There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
