He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
