I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
