ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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