Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
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