so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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