My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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