i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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