I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
