drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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