He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
where are my eyebrows?
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