I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
only you would photoshop your dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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