You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
